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New Rules from Your Diamond
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:47 pm    Post subject: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/11/1999 3:02 AM Central Daylight Time
From: JesseTroyn

::heads up to the boards, the Diamond on a gold chain around his neck and hanging outside his shirt for all to see.... smirks broadly as he puts up his post, taking a long drag off his cig and reading it over one more time for kicks::

To all my Fists Peeps:

For those of you who don't know, I'm Jesse Troyan and I'm your new Diamond. Learn to love it, because it won't be ending any time soon. I think it's about time a few changes were made in this place, so I'm appealing to the heads of staff for a few new rules that will be put in place for the duration of my tenure as Diamond. Hope you people enjoy them. I sure as hell know I will.

1. A large portrait of Jesse Troyan will be hung in The Outback. Said portrait will be supplied by Jesse and guaranteed protection and adequate maintenance by Duel of Fists management.

2. All duels will begin with a verbal salute to Jesse Troyan whether he is present or not. The options for verbal salute will be "All Hail Jesse," "I Love/Cherish/Worship (your choice) Jesse," or "Jesse is a God among men." This salute will not be optional and duels will not begin without it. The salute will be directed towards the portrait of Jesse on the wall if he is not present.

3. All female staff members will be henceforth referred to as "toots," "babe," or "chick." Proper nouns may be used only when it is imperative to distinguish between two people that could be addressed with the same pronoun. Failure to abide by this rule will result in a $100 donation to the RhyDin Children's Orphanage per violation.

4. All winnings from wagers made on the outcome of matches fought within The Outback limits are subject to a ten percent tax that will be taken directly by staff members present and donated to the RhyDin Children's Orphanage.

5. Jesse's usual table and chair are sacred. From now on it will be roped in. The chair will be replaced with a Lay-Z-Boy brand recliner and there will be a small fridge in the roped off area which will always be stocked with bottles of beer. Nobody will be allowed to enter the sectioned-off area without Jesse's express permission. Compliance will be ensured by staff enforcement and the presence of security cameras. Funding for the changes will be
provided by Jesse Troyan, but any maintenance fees made necessary by vandalism or failure to maintain the area properly on the part of the staff will be handled by the Duel of Fists management.

I think you will all come to accept and enjoy life with these new rules shortly. I know I will.

-JT
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:48 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/11/1999 3:46 AM Central Daylight Time
From: XJaycyndaX


Jaycy looks over the rules, arching a brow.

"If he expects me or any other staff member to babysit a picture of him and a chair, and to force brawlers to feed his already large ego..."

She trails off from her sentence, murmuring a few select curses.

"That no-good egotistical kid. He can just bite me."

Jaycy wanders off, smirking slightly as she shakes her head. "I don't think so, tough guy."
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:49 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/11/1999 10:27 AM Central Daylight Time
From: Roland Sal

::reads over "4. All winnings from wagers made on the outcome of matches fought within The Outback limits are subject to a ten percent tax that will be taken directly by staff members present and donated to the RhyDin Children's Orphanage." in sheer horror before putting pen to paper::

To Rask:

How long after someone goes missing do they lose their rank and title in the Outback?

Rol
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:49 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/11/1999 12:51 PM Central Daylight Time
From: LordRannos

::shakes his head..... remembers a time when the Diamond commanded the respect and admiration of all those that fought in the Outback.... Now that position commands only disdain and disrespect... History will remember the reign of Jesse Troyan as a low point in the Duel of Fists...
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:50 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/11/1999 1:32 PM Central Daylight Time
From: Xerzes M


We don't like you,Jesse.Go away.Pointless post of the day...


-Xerzes MaureenJobber
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:50 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/14/1999 1:12 PM Central Daylight Time
From: TarethThrn

It had taken a little while, but he had managed adroitly. With a grin that would put shame to the Cheshire one, he tacks up this newest list beside the scroll of rules from the new diamond:



My favorite salutes to Jesse, as per his own request, and witnessed in the rings.

"All Hail Jesse, the grandest hero of munchkins everywhere!"

"I Love/Cherish/Worship Jesse, and his wonderful way with sheep!"

"Jesse is a God among men, but a complete failure with women!"


Wiping a tear of mirth from the corner of his eye, he staggers off.... drunken with amusement. Hey.. the guy did ask for it.





----------=Thorn=----------
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:51 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/14/1999 9:38 PM Central Daylight Time
From: Killerbe15

:: runs up to the board and tacks a piece of toilet paper up there::

::it reads::
Dear holder of diamond *laugh*,

I will abide all of your rules *laugh*. You are the best diamond we've ever had *laugh*!
You are my idol *laugh*! Jesse you are such an idol to me *laugh* I hung a picture of you in my room*laugh, like that would ever happen* !



Signed,
Kel Killer *laugh*
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:53 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/15/1999 12:55 AM Central Daylight Time
From: RDI Glo


Having been informed of the proposed "rules" instituted by the new Diamond, Jesse Troyan, the hologram thus far pretending to be Matt Simon, the hologram that had now revealed its true nature, consulted with its database as to the legitimacy of the proposals. After briefly talking with its superiors, it created the following message for display upon the Message Boards.

Jesse Troyan,

Your proposed rules have been read and evaluated by those in charge of the Outback. They have the following to say:

Regarding Proposed Rule Number One: A portrait of each and every Diamond hangs upon the walls of the Outback. As you are no more and no less important than any of these men and women, your portrait shall be the same measurements as those already existing. You still, of course, may supply the portrait.

Regarding Proposed Rule Number Two: These verbal salutes are acceptable to us. However, due to the busy nature of the open dueling hours and the activity levels of the callers and queue-keepers, we feel that the staff cannot possibly keep track of what the duelers say before each and every duel. These verbal salutes are therefore open for use on a voluntary basis by each patron. Also, the staff takes no responsibility should these patrons
decide to alter the salutes for their own personal use.

Regarding Proposed Rule Number Three: Dream on.

Regarding Proposed Rule Number Four: We are in full support of this rule and shall make every effort to collect the tax and donate the money to the RhyDin Children's Orphanage.

Regarding Proposed Rule Number Five: You may secure your area subject to the approval of the staff regarding location. You shall be responsible for stocking your own "fridge" and providing any comforts required within your allotted three feet by three feet cordoned off area. The staff will monitor the area but declines to take responsibility for its maintenance, especially during non-dueling hours. We are not your babysitters and will not
take extra care to monitor your area. Should you desire the use of the security cameras they are at your disposal. Tapes shall be provided by you and subject to your viewing regarding your space only. Should you desire to install a camera specifically dedicated to monitoring your space, you shall be allowed to do so at your own cost.

In addition, the staff wishes to propose a sixth and final rule. We are glad to see your desire to assist the unfortunate orphans of this town and share the same goal. We also have noticed your expressed confidence at winning each and every match you enter into. We therefore propose that in regard to each duel you fight under your tenure as Diamond money be donated to the Orphanage in your name. Should you lose the duel, the money
shall be donated from your own pocket. Should you win, the Outback will donate the funds (the amount, we believe, should be no less than five of your "dollars" per duel).
Please let us know quickly as to your decision. Thank you.
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:53 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/15/1999 3:22 PM Central Daylight Time
From: PrlUnicorn

She reads, " In addition, the staff wishes to propose a sixth and final rule. We are glad to see your desire to assist the unfortunate orphans of this town and share the same goal. We also have noticed your expressed confidence at winning each and every match you enter into. We therefore propose that in regard to each duel you fight under your tenure
as Diamond money be donated to the Orphanage in your name. Should you lose the duel, the money shall be donated from your own pocket. Should you win, the Outback will donate the funds (the amount, we believe, should be no less than five of your "dollars" per duel). "

Staff of the Outback,

I propose that if Jesse loses a match and leaves the Outback without giving his opponent the proper respect of a salute or other acknowledgment that the funds due to the orphanage be doubled.

Colleen Lasher
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:54 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/15/1999 5:31 PM Central Daylight Time
From: Roland Sal


I'll donate ten times Jesse's weight in gold if you get him to kiss my boot and enjoy it.

Seriously.



Roland
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:55 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/15/1999 8:17 PM Central Daylight Time
From: JesseTroyn

Collie,

Fortunately since you're completely worthless you get no say in the matter. Maybe if you ever do anything impressive anywhere in the rings, people might care what you say. But since you ever will, since you suck big time, that hypothetical is unimportant.
As for the sixth rule, I'll do it when I feel like it and not when I don't. Guess you people will just have to wait and see which is which. For the rest of it, sounds good. Maybe if we ammended the 3rd rule to just Janella? Heh. Later, suckers.

-JT
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:56 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/16/1999 4:37 AM Central Daylight Time
From: PrlUnicorn

>Fortunately since you're completely worthless you get no say in the matter.
>Maybe if you ever do anything impressive anywhere in the rings, people might
>care what you say.

She reads the message from Jesse and slaps up a note:

Jesse,

Simply because one does not duel well, doesn't make one worthless. Run your own businesses, take care of a home and family, and deal with many rude arrogant people such as yourself on a daily basis Jesse and then your opinion MIGHT be worth a nickel. I do all that and do it well, what do you do besides duel irreverantly? Nothing.

Other gentleman, take note, I am not saying because men can't give birth they or their opinions are worthless, just Jesse's.
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:56 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/16/1999 9:20 AM Central Daylight Time
From: JesseTroyn


How thick are you, toots? How's this, next time we have a big debate about being barefoot and pregnant, I'll make sure to come get your expert opinion. But newsflash, genius: These are the DUELING boards. You suck at dueling with just about anything, therefore your say in the matter is completely unimportant. Go home cook, clean, and deal with children, woman. Oh, and have a nice day.

-JT
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:57 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/16/1999 6:11 PM Central Daylight Time
From: PrlUnicorn

Jesse,

I am dealing with a child, you. Stop behaving like a spoiled toddler.

Collie
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PostPosted: Thu May 13, 2004 12:58 pm    Post subject: Re: New Rules from Your Diamond Reply with quote

Date: 4/18/1999 3:03 AM Central Daylight Time
From: Deuce Mack

Collie, you cool. Jesse, you ain't. But I will whip both your asses if you don't stop bitchin on paper and stickin it in the way of whatever else somebody might stick up here. I think we'd all rather see you just beat the hell outta each other and be done with it.

Deuce

((The last version of this was accidentally posted under RDI Deuce. Whoops!))
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